My loved one hurt someone in our family. What do we do now?

How can I love the person who caused this harm?

This is the part many families never talk about. Sometimes the loved one with serious mental illness is the one who was violent. A parent, brother, or sister may be hurt, or may have died.

You may be grieving the person who was hurt and still love the person who hurt them. You may feel angry and protective at the same time. You may feel like you lost two people.

All of it can be true at once. You do not have to sort it out today.

What should we do first to keep everyone safe?

1. Call 911 if anyone is in danger.
2. Get medical care for anyone who was hurt, even if the injury seems small.
3. Stay somewhere safe tonight if you are afraid it could happen again.
4. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to make a safety plan.
5. Ask a local advocate how orders of protection work where you live.

The hotline can connect you with local advocates who know your area. You can call them at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788, any time.

How do we get legal help for our loved one?

If your loved one has been arrested or charged, a lawyer matters right away.

1. Ask for a public defender at the first court date, if you cannot pay for a lawyer.
2. In Wisconsin, contact the Wisconsin State Public Defender office for the county where the case is.
3. Give the lawyer a list of your loved one's diagnosis, medicines, and treatment history.
4. Ask the lawyer whether your county has a mental health court or treatment court.
5. Contact a disability rights group for advice on your loved one's rights.

In Illinois, Equip for Equality is a legal advocate for people with disabilities, including mental illness. It has information on rights with police, courts, and jails. In Wisconsin, try Disability Rights Wisconsin. To find free legal help near you in Illinois, use Illinois Legal Aid Online.

Can the person who was hurt get help paying for costs?

Often, yes. Illinois and Wisconsin both have crime victim compensation programs. They can help pay for counseling, lost wages, and funeral costs if someone died.

Many families think they cannot apply because the person who caused the harm is family. That is often not true. In Illinois, being related, or living in the same home, cannot be the only reason a claim is turned down.

Read crime victim compensation in Illinois and Wisconsin, including when your own loved one caused the harm for the rules, amounts, and how to apply.

How do we care for the brothers, sisters, and parents who were hurt?

The family member who was hurt needs care that is just for them. It should be separate from your loved one's treatment.

1. Find a grief or trauma counselor for each person who was hurt.
2. Ask the compensation program if it can help pay for that counseling.
3. Let each family member decide when, or if, they see your loved one again.
4. Find your own counselor or support group, too.

Be gentle with family members who are not ready to see or forgive your loved one. Their timeline is their own.

You may feel stuck in the middle, between the person who was hurt and the person who caused the harm. A support group for family members of people with serious mental illness can give you a place to say what you cannot say at home.

Check in on each other around court dates, birthdays, and holidays. If someone talks about not wanting to be here, call or text 988 together.